Everyone lies from time to time. No one is exempt from this particular sin, no matter what they say or how hard they try. We all do it. Some more than others. Sometimes it's even compulsive. The implication in the word "compulsive" is that it is associated with a mental illness or inability to not tell a lie, no matter the subject or need for a lie.
That must be the case with my husband. He's a compulsive liar. He hasn't always been like this. I wish I understood what the turning point was for him. The most likely explanation is his father - who did precisely what his son has done. He left his family for another woman, and never looked back and did not help support his family once he left. He left a wife with three sons, two of them in college. The youngest son was my husband, who was 16 years old at the time.
Over the years, he's told me stories about how cold and unloving his father was. I've witnessed it personally, such as the Christmas his father invited our family over for Christmas dinner and then wasn't home and has not since called or written to apologize or explain himself. That's pretty sorry...to invite your son, his wife, and your two grandchildren over on Christmas Day, they arrive bearing gifts and hopes that the relationship between father and son can be repaired. And then not to be home at the appointed time, and not to acknowledge a misunderstanding or terrible family tragedy that might have prevented the reunion.
I called my mother-in-law last night. I felt the need to speak to her as we haven't spoken since before the separation. I've always had a warm friendly relationship with my in-laws. There has never been any tension or issues between us. In that call, I learned that my husband had told her and me even more lies. Unnecessary lies, which must be the same as compulsive lies.
Except he told me months ago - and on more than one occasion - his family knew why we separated. Turns out they didn't. Oops. Now they do. What a terrible awkward position for both me and my mother-in-law last night. How painful it must have been for her to learn her baby son - the sweetest most loving of all her sons - had left his family for another woman. That's exactly what HER husband did. I admit once I found myself so far into the story and realizing she did not know this painful fact...I did not hold back. I let it rip and told the story in all it's ugliness. Perhaps I should have spared her. But I thought she knew. I am sorry she had to hear it from me - who was crying and blubbering so hard she probably didn't even understand half of what I said.
That's just another of his lies. What kind of man lies like that to his own mother? It's one thing to lie to your wife...I suppose. But it seems even more egregious to lie to your mother. Thank goodness he is in therapy. That's where he needs to be.
I wish I had never called her. But in a way, it's good the family now knows. Maybe they can help him find his way back to the kind, loving, decent man he used to be.
