I shocked myself this week with the radical thought that I might actually be enjoying my new freedom, in spite of the pain that led me here. Follow that with the fact that my only child leaves tomorrow morning for college, and you have an almost 50-year old woman with a bucket load of new found freedom.
It's exhilarating and intimidating all at the same time. It's a lot of fun for me to sit and think about my options, which are many. And considering that my job is portable only adds to the possibilities. But on the other hand, thinking of my son going away to college and how quiet (and clean) the house will be sometimes leaves me teary. That's natural. I think we're both going to feel some separation anxiety.
But just think about it. I can do anything. Or go anywhere. How cool is that? I can live anywhere I want. Even temporarily. I've been exchanging email with a woman with a home on the gulf coast of Florida about swapping our homes for 2 weeks in December. Christmas at the beach! And I've spoken with a friend in Asheville with a spare bedroom. I'd love that! I have family in Florida I haven't seen in years, and in Virginia. Friends in Ohio, Indiana, New York, Connecticut, California, Georgia, and Mexico. Oh the options!
I have yet another confession. The last few months have been hectic and I've spent a lot of time and energy rearranging my life in ways my husband probably wouldn't approve of. It's been so much easier to do the things I think are appropriate without having to get someone else's buy in - especially someone who doesn't care much for change. It's always been a bit of a tug of war - two people, one who doesn't like change and the other that lives for change. Oil and water. I like not having to think about how I'll sell something to him that I think is a good move. I am in charge and I don't have to convince anyone of a damn thing. I do what I damn well please. WooHoo!
It's no secret I love to travel. And I don't want to go forever. But a week here and a week there sounds like fun. I'm even thinking of going back to school to engineer a mid-life career change. But that may have to wait a few years - I can only deal with one tuition bill at a time, and now is my son's time. My time will come.
For now, I'm so enjoying my fantasies of where and how I might want to live my life. The options are endless! What fun. I deserve it.
