I've had a tough couple of weeks. Not so much caused by drama related to my divorce, but rather to drama I've been unwillingly sucked into via a periphial relationship. Drama delivered by people I'm not at all emotionally connected to, but that led to strife in a relationship that was important to me. A very tangled web, indeed.
Ultimately I will likely lose my friend who really matters to me due to something I have no control over. Not the first friend I've lost certainly, but one that mattered a great deal to me. It's very frustrating and it just adds to the pile of hurt feelings and confusion I'm sorting through these days.
It will be ok. It's not nearly as painful as losing a husband I adored for reasons still unclear to me, but rather just one more loss to heap on the pile. It makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. If so...what? It would be easy to stick my nose in the air, shrug my shoulder, and say "his loss". But that's not something I've ever done. I'm more inclined to blame myself, even though the situation truly was beyond my control.
Life is not fair. Those who deserve it the least get to go on their merry way leaving the rest of us wondering what the hell happened and where is the fairness in life. A stupid thing to wonder of course, because there is no fairness in life.
