I've decided there are three important rules of muddling through a divorce.
1. There is life after divorce. As hard as it is to believe, this marriage will eventually be just something I did once. It will not occupy my daily or minute to minute thoughts. It will be just a sad memory. Which is far better thing than it is right now.
2. Don't burn daylight. Grieving may not have a time frame on it, but life certainly does. There comes a time when you have to accept the fact that it's done, stop with the negative sad thoughts, and move on. There is more life to be lived. I'm ready to live it. I'm not quite done with the grief thing...but I'm getting there.
3. Don't waste time with regret. It is what it is. I can't do anything about what happened in the past, but I can do something about what happens tomorrow. And tomorrow is where I want my head to be. Not on yesterday. Regret buys you nothing.
Three very important things to remember and to live. And in the meantime, here's the stuff I'll be working on:
1. Defining a new relationship with my ex. I'm not exactly ready to be his buddy yet, but someday I want us to be able to talk without tears. I want to be able to talk to him without falling apart, something I often do now when we're in each other's presence. I'm sure he hates to be in the same space with me, and he probably generally leaves feeling like dirt. That's ok, I'm not responsible for how he feels. But I do hope that it won't always be like that.
2. Make a plan. I am well under way with this one. I've done a great job - in my humble opinion - of planning out the next few years. I know where I want to go, and I'm working on figuring out how I'll get there. That's good. It makes me feel good to think about my plan.
3. Create a support squad. Done. I'm getting better about asking for help. I'm perfecting the art of saying "I need you" to my friends, and they're doing a perfectly awesome job of being there.
4. Make time for myself. I'm really not very good at all about this, but I'm trying. Between my books, my dogs, my lovely new bedroom....I'm feeling nurtured in my own environment.
5. Protect myself in the future. I've just recently had a very powerful lesson in this. Sometimes you have to hit me over the head to get something like this through my thick skull. But it's becoming clearer.
